rainy days

mark the date down!! it did not rain a single drop of water today and i amazing lasted through a 5 hours meeting with just a slice of bread in my stomach. rainy days spolit everything. my shoes are wet, i dare not to wear jeans when i am out, my clothes are taking FOREVER to dry and i just hate to be outdoors. so what can i do?

imagine myself cuddling into my bed with my comfortable blanket all the way up to my neck and reading a real good book like tuesday with morris. not forgetting a warm yummy big cup of milo at my desk. how about oasis or coldplay songs playing in my CD player too? i love it! this is my perfect way to spend a rainy day. how i wish life can be that worry-less. i dont really have to care about my surroundings except to focus on one thing.

i just need a day to slow things down a little.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

christmas is always the time to get together with friends and family. obviously, i wont miss this chance to spread a little love to people around me and watched love actually and pig out with KNS on xmas eve. hahaha..


weifang, bay and i


our lunch


goi and i


bday boy


dingod, tiong and hq


playing with chilli?


goi drinking her milk tea


hq with his beef noodles


his present!!!!


my weird finger


yummy cakes


our favourite


refuse to take photo


laughing fits


all of us


all 5

the curse of the golden flower

everything has its own laws. when you cross over them, misfortunate will befall upon you.

i understand the importance of having guidelines to follow and rules to abid to but why cant they be flexible at time? we are living in a give and take environment. for example on a crowded bus, although you give up your seat to someone who needs it more than you do, you earn a simple thank you who has the ability to warm your heart. as you grow older, you may have lost contacts with old friends, but you have learnt the importance of friendship. if that is the case, why cant there be any room for compromise? must it always be a head-to-head situation?

dont fight for anything that is not meant to be yours. people believe that everything is pre-planned but i refuse to. everything on earth has to be earned. you cant command respect but you can earn respect. money does not fall from the sky. grades need to be mugged for. it maybe a long and painful battle, but if i can get what i want ultimately, why not? so the question now is does the means justify the ends?

have you ever done something that you know it is wrong? i believe all of us have made a wrong decision in our lives and suffered from a fall before. the main point is what is it that drives us to make the wrong decision? irrational thinking, perphas. things may have turned out better if we could pause, think for a moment and calm ourselves. no guilt and no regrets will be the ideal case.

i have been out with my usual different groups of friends recently. photos will be out soon. sorry for scaring all today. jieFAT is back in town!

rain!!!

where does all the water come from? it has been raining continuously for 2 days and it is STILL raining while i am typing this entry. i dont detest rainy day but there is a limit to everything! too many rainy days make me lazy. i refuse to go out and get myself all wet. i just want to laze around at home and wrapped myself up like a cocoon in my bed. just leave me alone and let me hibernate.

i was supposed to watch flags of our fathers yesterday but the weather put me off. in the end, the guys came over to my house to have steamboat. steaming hot steamboat and a glass bottle of cold stella. woah! perfect combination. i shall start to control my drinking. everyone is saying that i am drinking too much. shit!

rain rain go away! i want to go blading on friday.

love hate relationship

as christmas draws near, i start to panic. i am NOT done with my christmas shopping yet. my legs are aching and my shoulder hurts after my first christmas shopping today. damn sad to see the numbers in my bank account decreasing. it is even more painful to realise that the money that i have spent on are not for myself. argH!! anywhere, i have to make another trip down again. hopefully everything will be settled by then. after all these rushings, i shall just treat myself to spend an entire day at home.

crap!

i am feeling damn crappy now. i dont know what has got into me? nobody have pissed me off if i do not take into account what happened during lunch today. whatever!

yup, the star awards was on TV an hour ago but seriously, i could not sit in front of my TV and watch the full 3 hours plus show. i gave up and changed to prison break. how can i resist wentworth miller?

however, looking at a pretty face does not make me feel any better. instead, i got more pissed with one of the characters in the show. wth! i just cant understand why some people will go all out just to achieve their aims? they dont care about what happened to the people around them at all! all they care about is themselves. they want this they want that. a clean record, recognition, power, position. shit! why cant people learn to be contended with their lives? why must there be a crazy race for material wants? argH! when did i start hating urban life?

ling's wedding

something happening over the last weekend

MISS LING'S WEDDING!!!!!


s14


me, sweeling and wenting

me and hurry hurry

me, goi and jaja

me, goi, jaja and hq

hq and me

hq, me, goi, jess and jr

with ms ho

what do they mean

mh asked me a question today. what do people believe in santa? santa gives people hope and makes everyone happy was my reply. then i started thinking, we have many symbols in life. talking about hope, i think mine will be mayday. side track a little, i just got home from the true friends concert and mayday was there. AHHHH!!! some people may be turned off by their rock music but if you sit down and listen to the lyrics, you will realise their songs are inspiring, emotional and hopeful. they never fail to inspire me when i was busy mugging for the just-over exams. best mugging company i ever have. =)

the best representation for love will be an old couple. they have truly lived to the promise they have made to each other, to look after one another till death. imagine you and your partner age together in a small house and enjoy the retirement years together. most importantly, he is not afraid of expressing his love to you in public through a simple gesture of holding your hands. the feeling of growing old with someone you loved is something everyone desires.

true friends are hard to come by. i would rather have a true friend who always has disagreeing views with me than to have someone who agrees on everything i say or do. i dont believe that i am always right and i dont think i have a twin on earth. true friends are those who tell you what is wrong and not right. their words can be annoying and irritating but they will always pop out from nowhere and give you a pleasant surprise when you wanted it most. they know you! true friends are just like dirt. they are the most unwanted thing you want them to be on you. but when you are in danger and need to hide away from your enemy, dirt is your best protection. having an outdoor activity, getting dirty will be one of the memorable experience. it sounds strange but you have fun in dirt!

fat is coming home soon!

certainty

i am sure that

i love walking in the rain with music blasting in my head
i cant wait for the SHORT jieFAT to be back in spore
liting and pee are done with their exams
mayday is my favourite chinese band
positive energy keeps the momentum going
sleep is no longer my friend

happy drunkards!

i was looking for pictures on drunkards a few nights ago and i dont understand why there were so many sad pictures associated with drunkards. people usually say "drinking your sorrows away" and hence make that association. argh! i hate this assumption.

i dont think i am considered as a alcholic. i just have a passion for wines, beers and alcholic drinks. i want to know more about them and learn how to appreciate them. can someone just teach me after this dreadful exams? sometimes, i drink for casual. i will just randomly ask my closed friends if they are keen to go drinking with me when i have the urge. no worries, my 'random-ness' is under control. when the mood and weather fit perfectly, i will have vodka or drink beer with my dad. so as you can see, i dont drink to forget about any unhappy incidents.

drinking should be a joyous event and it should be an enjoyment. instead, i think that drinking your sorrows away is an excuse to run away from the problems. running away does not help to solve the problems at all. i do not like to drag things. just get it done with and move on!

taking a short break from math maddness. =)

mugging sucks

have been mugging late into the nights for the past few days and my body had failed me yesterday. it forced me to sleep at 930pm sharp last night and woke up full with energy again. =) mugging is such a difficult task to do now, especially when your dearest sis had to rub salt on ur wound, "thought i could ask you out for shopping today. when everyone is having their school holidays now, you ahave to mug," DAMN!!! i just have to endure for 2 more weeks.

mug hard everyone!

happy birthday minghui!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MINGHUI!!!!!

it was my dearest ally's birthday last friday. obviously, she had to spend this important day with KNS. as usual, everyone was late and our dearest woon could not make it!!! =( without her around, we had trouble finishing the birthday cake and end up, both minghui and i were bullied to have the biggest slice.

talking about the cake, it was a very funny incident. woon could not collect the cake due to some unforseen circumstances so mh and i went down to awfully choco instead. when the lady confirmed the order with us, she looked at mh and said, "the cake is 'happy birthday minghui'?" i was stunned when i heard that. mh happily nodded her head. so the lesson learnt is never to have the birthday girl to collect her own birthday cake in the future.

the heavy downpour on that day spolit our wonderful dinner date. we were trapped at raffles place mrt station and settled for soup spoon. it was not the best option but nevertheless, it was the better one. when 9pm was approaching, we immediately left the place and chiong for happy hours. we are sucha cheapo grp of pple!

on our way to boat quay, we attracted lots of attention because 5 big girls were carrying 3 huge soft toys around, elmo, spongebox and a fat pig. pple were staring at us and one guy actually approached us to ask where he could get that elmo. besides all these attention, it was extremely tiring for other hands too. we were not supposed to reach the pub panting and sweating at all!

we settled down at this shi sha bar lounge which was extremely quiet. good for us because it seemed like we had booked the entire place for the celebration and we could make lots of noise without disturbing the others. then we started our photos taking spee. yeah!!! as quoted from mh, we took 200 plus photos just on one night. we started drinking and all our drinks tasted better at the second shot. our last destination was forbidden city before we sped home.

mh, hope you enjoy yourself and make full use of your present. HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY!!!

little things in life

exams are coming soon and seriously, i am feeling stressed now. damn! but, i will never forget to make myself happy everyday.

although i was studying at a stressful environment early today, it felt great when i was reading jiefang's blog and chatting with pee. i know what my other friends are doing and i like the feeling of being part of their lives. imagine the short and fat jieFAT climbing up and down to clean her room. most importantly, the thought of her coming back for christmas makes me excited. i will start my countdowning soon. random chatting with pee and planning our post exam activities cheered me on in this struggle to the finishing line. blading blading blading and blading!!!!

at the end of the year, everyone is always feeling shitty because of exams. it just sucks! i dont understand why do exams always screw my daily lifestyle. suffering from severe lack of sleep!

have not been sleeping

i have been very impressed with myself recently. i only slept for a pathetic 2.5 hours last night and manage to last through the whole day till now. my eyes are shutting but i know i have to complete it first. furthermore, i have been sleeping for around 5 to 6 hours since the beginning of this week. argh! my biological clock is screwed up.

even i am given a chance, i would rather have my lessons at night and rest in the day. it is so noisy, humid, uncomfortable and stuffy to try to keep myself awake while learning in the day. my brain seems to be active only at night. the quiet environment makes me want to sit by my desk to make things happen.

goi told me something shocking today! i want to know more on friday okay? so hq and goi, must tell me!!!!

energy rush

tonight or rather this morning is one of the nights when i dont feel like sleeping at all. i know that staying up late all night is unhealthy and worse, i caught a cold. i should be resting and not blogging or doing any work, but i just dont feel like sleeping yet. yes, no sleep tonight!!

had a chat with jf. you dont know how much i miss this girl. i shall receive you at the airport on 22 dec okay? since you said you will be having jet lag, let's just go out and spend time with each other through the night okay? so please, get your dad's permission to drive the car. =)

another best friend of mine, liting is going to have her exams soon. arghhh!!! i know the stress is building up. you just feel like screaming while crumping all the stuff into your brain right? but, just hang on! have confidence in yourself and everything will be fine. it will soon be over. =)

my dearest ally is summarizing the paper now. she has become my new insomnia buddy. imagine us still online at this earthly hour! seriously, sleep is not our friend recently. =(

what a random entry! i hate it when i have nothing to blog about when i feel like blogging.

weekend is burnt out!

i ate a lot during the past few days!!!

went out with the nj gang on saturday and i loved it! i miss the guys. i had not seen them for almost a month. ahhh!!! i was so desperate to meet up with them that goi and i came up with an evil plan to con hq to cab down to orchard. i even suggested to pay for his cab fare. imagine how much the two of us wanted to see them. it was good to meet up in the afternoon because we had more than enough time to spend together. we had dinner at this zu chao place near paradize centre. next up was our dessert! the bean curd beside our dinner place and our favourite venazia ice cream. we talked and so usual, had a debate over some gender issue. whatever lah!

the classic line from the day was "you realise you are in a nightmare and you want to wake up but you have already woken up". i guess many of us are stuck in similar situations now right? so am i. DAMN!

yesterday, it was dabai's bday celebration and deathnote movie time. death note is good! L looked horrible but i love the fact that he liked desserts. light was psychotic. he actually killed his girlfriend to protect himself. wth! anyway, we went to this japanese steamboat place to have our dinner and it was dabai's treat! i did not eat much because i think that japanese love vegetables like crazy. vegetables make up almost half of the amount of food we ordered. =( so, the ever-hungry goi, dabai and i went to have our second helpings at bnj. yes!!! we actually ordered 2 rounds of merlionster, with gladys joining us for the first round.

so much fun for the past few days makes karen a worried girl now. i can see myself not sleeping much for the next few days again. go go karen!

miss them lots

i am so excited after talking to dingod on the phone. all 5 of us are finally meeting up. YES! i have not caught up with this group of jc good friends for a very long time. remember all the good times we had together? all the break time talks in the canteen, laughing at each other, our usual after school hobby - eating, talking about almost everything under the sun. so fun so fun!!! i cannot wait to see them.

i dont usually show my emotions on my face. the problem is still there but i am fine.

fuck them

i hate the current me. i do not like the situation that i am stuck in now. i know it is fucking wrong for me to behave in this way now but just let me be irrational for once. forgive me for being the bad person now. i am sick and tired of being part of the beautiful picture you paint for the others. it is the time for me to be rebellious. it is the time for you to understand the pain and agony i have been going through for all my life. i always tell myself that it will be fine after a few weeks but this time round, i dont think that is going to happen. it has already gone over the limit. if you are not going to learn how to respect us, the whole cycle will happen again in a few months' time. anyway, even if you have learnt your lesson now, it is too late. i will never believe in 'it is bever too late' again. i dont know when the whole thing will be over. i just have to hang on for the sake of someone i want to protect. dont ever break down now, karen!

i am on my own now

i swear i am not going to depend on you anymore.

i cant stand your childish behaviour.

i am leaving you out of my world and i swear i will never let you return.

dont cry and beg for my acceptance because things are not the same again.

you make me hate them even more.

time for some serious financial management.

i need to call her!

chocolates are girl's best friends

chocolates are girls' best friend!

i went to meiji factory at quailty road with the gang. when we got into the store, we were all grinning happily away for at least a full minute. imagine jumping into a pool of chocolates, biscuits and snacks. heavenly! our tiny shopping baskets were quickly filled when we were not even half done with our marketing yet. basically, we just took everything off the shelves and into our baskets. when i was about to pay, i looked at my nearly filled basket and wondered if i had enough cash with me. the store did not have the atm machine. argH! devastrated! most importantly, i am trying to save up as much as possible because i have to pay for my soon-to-be driving lessons. i had no choice but to put a few items back to its orginal place. =( anyway, i am still happy with my one bag of snacks. i think they can last me through the month. these snacks will make anothe person happy soon!

saving is such a difficult task. suddenly, i have a long shopping list in my mind now, which is not something good. when i have a list of to-buy things, i will be tempted to spend and buy them. =( when that happens, my savings will deplete and my efforts for the last month will be wasted. this is highly possible to happen because i am the type of person who will spend on impulse if i have not shopped for a long time. argH!!! stop asking me out!!! and if there is a need to, please please please go on a budget. i am desperate for money now. even though i did not like the environment of my ex working place, at least i will have a source of income. remind me constantly to save money and i will be grateful for that.

sending a parcel over to canada tmr!

world trade centre

courage is when you stand out with fear in your eyes

teamwork is looking after each other's back

helpless is when you cannot prevent something bad from happening right before your eyes

optimistic is never to sleep

love is the power to keep you going when you are faced with difficulties

it was an emotional movie for me. i had never felt that way throughout the entire 2 hours. emotional but i did not tear again. it had been ages since i slept on the bus. when that happens, it means i am damn tired. hope i can last through the week with just 6 hours of sleep for the past 4 days. go karen!

friends are amazing!

friends can do wonders to my day. =)

i was not feeling very good last night. suddenly, this sense of saddness came upon me. i felt i was struck in a terrible world which i had to accept everything with no questions. no freedom, tight restrictions, curfews, no friends but only 4 walls to accompany me till i die. hmm..

so we went to catch SCOOP today. it is not one of my MUST WATCH movies. people who know me should understand that i seldom pay to laugh. at the end of the movie, i did not regret my choice. this is a british comedy film and the humour lies among the words. good sense of humour and a charming character to drool over. to be honest, i felt like sleeping in the beginning because i was not interested in the movie in the first place. i decided not to waste my money and watched, laughed at sydney (one of the characters' name) and being ill-treated by minghui. =(

i have fun! hope i will continue to enjoy the rest of the week. dont think too deep sometimes. just follow your instincts and maybe your instincts are right and everything will be solved. enjoy! movie spee has started.

so not in the mood

i promised to blog an entry about my mid-autumn festival. shall not talk much about it. just see the photos.


all of us at the rooftop of esplande


our beautiful chinese traditional laterns


mooncakes!!!!


hazy night sky


my favourite piece =)

more photos!!! http://www.flickr.com/photos/72419396@N00/sets/72157594316694025/

thoughts provoking

we have different responsibilities in different stages of life. when we were little, our worlds were always filled with love, fun and laughter. we did not have to worry about the next meal. our main concern was when would my next play time be? it seems like we did not have a responsibility then but i think it is wrong. our responsibility was to bring laughter into the family. it made our parents jump when we first called them. it made them excited when we could walk. it brought a smile across their face when they saw us running into their arms when they came home from work. that's what we were supposed to do then.

teenhood was the rebellious period for most. it was the time when we dared to challenge the superiors. we started to have our own mindset and hated rules and regulations that were not in favour to us. we hated restrictions and wanted more freedom. adults always claimed that studying hard and well was our responsibilities. thinking back, it should be having as much exposure as possible. i learnt the most when i was in secondary school. although the environment was not the most ideal one, it really pushed me and forced me out of my comfort zone. it came upon me now that my responsibility then was to learn and grow as much as possible.

when we start working and forming family, the sense of responsibilites will be heavier. now, it is not a matter of own's survival. it concerns a group of people who you love. you want the best for them so no matter how tough it is for you, you just have to push on. even if there is no purpose and how frustrated you are, you just have to do it for their sake. to put it in a nasty way, it is like living a life for the others. but we should all be optimistic about life! we should be willing to take up this responsibility because giving is better than receiving.

i think this responsibility shape our thinking at different stages of our lives. you may feel very irritated, frustrated, angry, pissed off, being used after an incidient now, but when you look back in 5 years' time, you will look at it from a different angle and realise your reactions at that time was irrational, illogical, childish or even stupid. so, just take everything in your strides.

i just came home from a community service project. it was a simple affair to celebrate mid-autumn festival with the senior citizens. it touched my heart when i saw the smiles on their faces, they told us they enjoyed themselves and thanked us for our efforts. after the event, some of them were sitting around at the viod deck and it seemed like any other day. they were sitting alone and waiting for night to fall. ARGH! sometimes, i just hate reality. but at least i know that i had done something special for them today.

there was this old couple who i MUST mention. the husband is very caring towards the wife even at such an old age. when the wife went to the toilet, he waited for her outside, held his hand and guided her back to their seats. how many couples actually bother to show love to each other in the public when they are old? it just makes me wonder will i be like them in the future? they made me believe that marriage is a beautiful thing.



shall talk more about my own mid-autumn festival celebrations after i upload the photos. i better upload fast or else 5 people will chase after me for my head. one last important thing, for the sake of zhai, IT IS VERY HAZY NOW!! I HATE THE SKY AN WEATHER.

killing myself

sometimes i just feel like killing myself!! i hate myself when i expect a lot from ME. what's the problem with me? cant i be contented and be happy with what i have now? when will i stop wanting more? can i just be a happy girl who lives a simple life?

what the hell!!!!! all these are for the damn word dreams. living your dreams is hard. fulfilling your dreams is even harder. argh!!! i just feel like asking myself to stop have big dreams.

i cant i cant because that will not be me! this is not the worst yet because i had experienced more pressure pulling me almost a year ago.

my mind is in a mess now. i dont even know what the heck i am talking about. seriously i want to murder myself now.

to know me

my dearest ally, mh is my first friend who said i do not have the fierce look. woah! it was a surprise to me. usually i dont give people a very good first impression. people are usually afraid of me or think that i have high standard for everything or not the slacker. when they get to know me better, i am seriously not as fierce as what they think. =) but there are exceptions too.

1) never ever force me to do something i hate. the end product will be damn sucky then i will get so pissed off with myself. i will re-do it again. during the process, i will get angry with you for wasting my time. so dont try this!

2) never ever make me hate you. the key message is there is a thin line between hate and dislike. you can make me dislike you but not hate. if it ever happens, i wont consider you as my friend at all. i will just treat you as non-existence. so if you are sick of me as your friend, try making me to hate you then i will make sure you wont see me again. =)

3) dont disturb me when i am seriously busy or engrossed in doing something. i will give you the pissed off stare. cant you see i am busy? so why are you still bothering me?

4) never be whiny to me. i cant stand that for a second! i dont owe my life to you so i dont see why i should respond to your whines.

5) make a decision! i hate it when people take a million years to decide. just think fast and act fast. if your mind isnt working, use your instinct lah! dumb ass!!!

DONT ever try any of the above if you still want to be friends with me. =) i can tolerate it once but never twice.

blading at ECP

yes!!! it was a good effort for me to wake up at 730am when i only slept for 3.5 hour. it was a miracle that i did not bang into one another when i was blading at ecp. it was amazing that i still do not feel tired. haha..

well, it was supposed to be a KNS outing but the meeting time was too early for everyone. the drunkard woon could not make it in time, lazy wulan did not come (guess she woke up late) and sleepy peiwen woke up late!!! argh!! so it was left with PEEEEEEEEE, mh and i. the 196 bus ride was horribly long. it took us close to an hour to reach ecp. =( it was fun to blade again. i must master my basics well and i can then enjoy the feeling of wind blowing against my face. yesyes!!! mh, learn fast okay? remember to GLIDE. then we can date PEEEEEEEEEE again to go for another blading session soon.

ok. so i promised pee i will upload the pics we took when we went drinking that day by tonight. so here are the photos!

by the way, important message to all KNS: we will be sending the stuff over to FAT by the end of next week. so, please pass them to me ASAP okay? contact me!!!! FAT, if you are reading this now, please cry because you should be touched by our efforts. =)


peee!!!


our drinks


me!


one of the nicer tasting beers


pee's fav candle. i dont understand why!


3!


4!


9!


10!


10 again! but spot the difference.

mooncakes!!!!!!!!!

my hands still smell like lian yong. haha.. it is lotus paste lah! my mother is baking mooncakes again because mooncake festival is coming soon!!!!! yeah!!!!!!!!! i love the mooncakes my mother makes because the paste is thick and skin is thin. yummy!!! plus, i love sweet stuff!! the snow skin mooncakes are my favourite. but my mother is doing the baked mooncakes now. =( when can i have my snow skin mooncakes?

when i was young, i loved to help out in the kitchen but my mother always had to chase me out. =( i loved to play with the food and the knife was out of bounds to me. the more i could not touch it, the more curious and eager i was to use the knife to cut vegetables and meat like my mother. so, i was helping my mother with the lotus paste just now. i had to mix the nuts with the paste evenly. then, roll them into equal sizes for my mother. it was tough because my mother had high standard. "aiyo, this one too small. that one too big." hai... i just wait for those ready mooncakes. i shall be the first to eat them before anyone does in my family. haha..

i feel happy when i have lots of food at home. give me more food okay? my long awaited blading tomorrow!!! yeahyeah!!!!!!

nobody understands me

it's heart breaking when you cannot do anything when you know there is something wrong. it's worse when you try to do something but others misunderstand your kind intentions. it is devastrating when people distort facts and mislead everyone. nobody understands you. you start to build a wall around you that nobody can reach into your inner soul. you no longer trust anyone else except yourself. you feel helpless when you cannot do anything. you feel defenceless when people start blaming you for everything. you try again and again to let them know the true you but again and again, you are slapped right in your face. who can understand the pain you are going through? who can be your true friend?

i felt emotional after "the forbidden city - protrait of an empress" play. the struggle for power and love that was going on behind the tall walls that surrounded the city, the heart breaking moments from a mother and concubine point of view, and the aftermath of war overwhelmed me. it always happens after i attend a history lesson. i will be normal when day breaks. =)

it's never smooth sailing

i have never admitted that life can be a smooth sailing affair for everyone. no matter how long your achievement list is and how proud you are of them, there is some point in your life you feel like shit, trash and escaping from everything. this is what i called the "tough period". so now, you should start asking yourself, HOW?

i have not been in a good mood these few days. the slightest thing can piss me off and i am still pissed with something! forget about it, i am just being a childish and illogical person here. i try not to affect the others with my foul mood. but how? keep the positive energy high! it's the time when it is important to learn a surviving skill called self-psycho. you just have to keep convincing yourself that everything will be fine, nothing is going to get on your nerves, you have everything under control, it is not as bad as what you think and you will ultimately pull through all the crap. the bottom line is to stay positive.

however, there are times when you feel like you have no more energy to be optimistic and everything you are doing now is WRONG! so what now? it is a sign that it's time to take a break. afterall it is the quality and not the quantity that matters. take a breather and let your over-worked brain rest. maybe you will be able to find a more suitable solution after that. just leave your work desk, go out of the room, take a walk anywhere and breathe. on days when you feel rich, go down to some eating place to eat because eating makes me happy so i hope it will work for most too. or just go and sweat it out! it produces some chemicals in your body that makes you happy. so why are you still staring at the screen?

it is the recess aka team break for me now. it is not exactly holidays because i have to prepare for 2 class tests which are after the break, and my critical thinking position paper. i thought saving the whales is hard enough but IR is even harder. =(

stay positive friends!

i dont understand myself anymore

i have changed.

the more i am restricted, the more i want to break free.

different stages

we were talking about a animation today. the main storyline is the characters will lose something equivalent to what they wish for. would you want to make a wish then? furthermore, a short conversation with DA BAI today made me think about the gains and losses in life.

the most obvious one will be the friends. i have lost some friends, some unknowingly but some with a reason. when i look back and think, i definitely miss the times we used to have together. the word "used-to" explains everything! they belong to the history and it is pointless to hold on to the past. just move on with life! i will be equally happy just to know that i used to be part of their lives. since there are fresh tomatoes, there are definitely rotten ones. friends who i dont wish to be reminded of. i am somehow similar to my brother's style of making friends. what we want most in our friends is trust. in all relationships, i seriously believe that it is the basic building block. with no trust, how do you expect me to confide in you? you will just be a stranger who i used to know. so, dont think about them because they will just make my blood boils. move on with life and meet new faces now! they are a group of fun-loving and loves-good-food people. let's go food hunting again!!!

relationship with my family has changed too. i used to hug my mother and cry in her arms when i was sad. now, i will hide in my room and swallow my tears down my throat. i was afraid of my father because he played the disciplinary role at home. he would scold me till i teared for the slightest mistake. but now, i discuss big decisions with him and have simple conversations with him. i played a lot with my brother but we seem to have distance ourselves from each other as we grow older. i guess the only thing that does not change is my relationship with my sisterm, except that she is married now. i am very thankful to have her as my sister. she taught me in one way or another to be the person i am today. thanks! (doubt she will ever read this)

we were watching this movie today and there was this line that said it is during high school when you learn how to handle break ups. boy meets girl, girl meets boy. boy likes girl and girl likes boy. what a perfect picture but i still do not believe in BGR love, specificially, first love and love at first sight. how many actually settle down and start a family with their first love? some use the word "foolish" or "silly" to describe it. witnessing couples coming together and after a few months or at least a few years, they are going on their separate ways. it makes me think how strong love can be? i may have lost someone i have loved but at least i have learnt something. not to punge too deep into relationships? but one thing for sure is i will know who are my true friends because true friends will be there during my toughest period.

forget about the losses. let them be part of my memory and please, remember the good times. next will be to move on with life!

rainy friday

today is not my day!! is it the rain today that makes me ultra clumsy and not alert today? i toppled one full cup of soya bean milk. i swear everything was happening in slow motion but i could not do anything to stop that cup. in the end, mh's handphone smelt of soya bean milk, her bag and giles' shoes were not left unharmed too. arGH!!! felt guilty. sorry guys! i shall stay away from soya bean for a few days.

my sense of direction is considered to be among one of the better ones in my group of friends but i gave giles 2 wrong directions today!!! i could reach home from nus within 10 minutes but because of me, we went all the way from aye to clementi road and then to bukit batok and finally back to clementi again. bad day!

what's the problem with me?

i thought may be it was the lack of sleep so i relunctantly went to sleep just now although i had not finished watching my GEK web cast. my stomach was supposed to wake me up at 8pm. amazing, i did not feel hungry at all! i was awoken by my mother's friend's call. luckily she called or else i will still be sleeping now.

i just dont feel good on this day.

dont look back in anger

this entry is dedicated to someone special in my heart.

it is always late at night when i start to miss your company. is it too late to say i miss you, my friend? i remembered telling you on a call that i will call you everyday to make sure you are safe there but it is not happening. sorry. it is not that i dont care for you because i still do and even more. sometimes, i wonder how did we spend 10 years together? we are of somewhat different character and we usually bickers because we have different opinions on many issues. but we will still come to a compromise in the end. we have different fashion tastes yet we can go on endless shopping trips. what is the special bond that brings 2 quite different people together?

i have this song running in my head the whole day. may be because i had it running in my ipod this morning. but i think the main reason is you introduced the song to me. you told me all about the song a few months back but i am only hooked onto it now. am i slow? anyway, good songs dont die off with time.

So Sally can wait, she knows its too late as we're walking on by
Her soul slides away, but don't look back in anger I hear you say

it is one of those not-my-days

today is one of the not-my-days. nothing is troubling me and i am seriously not feeling stressed due to the never ending workload. this is the day when i wish i had a car. i feel like going for a spin around singapore aimlessly in my car and end my day with a drink or two with a few closed friends at some cosy jazzy pub along singapore river. why am i in such a mood today?

how about making my wish easier? go for a drink with friends. highly impossible because it is not the weekend yet. argH! i do drink with my dad sometimes but today i want to drink with my friends. damn!! how i wish jiefang is still in singapore. then i would grab a bottle or two from my house or at some cheapo convenience shops nearby and drink our hearts out through the night. chat through the night with no topic in mind.wake up next morning and feel sad and depressed because i will be forced to face reality. when was the last time i waste my night away?

the itch is killing me!!! can we please go for some quiet drinking next, friends? may be i shall join liting to waste our lives together at the end of the year.

it is NOT fun at all

taking a break is to walk a longer distance.

i cant agree no more with this sentence but i definitely do not like falling sick as a form of a break. i have a sorethroat for the past few days. i did not bother about it except that i tried to drink lots of water. however, it did not seem to be working and it got worse when i woke up this morning. i totally lost my voice!!! i had no choice but to cancel my tuition today. =(

after having porridge for lunch, i thought it was time to get down to some serious business. my head felt heavy and my eye lids were burning when i was trying to understand calculus. these were signs of a fever. i forced myself to at least finish that set of notes. i quickly crawled into my bed and wrapped myself in my blanket. this afternoon nap lasted till dinner time. by the time i woke up, i was soaked in sweat which was good. i believe my fever has gone down by now.

my throat is feeling much better after taking both western and chinese medicine. forced to drink a bottle of herbal tea, a cup of honey, a bowl of who-knows-what-my-dad-puts-in soup and western and chinese sorethroat medicine. popped 2 panadols for my fever as well. i shall be fine by tomorrow.

liting dear, tomorrow is the first day of the long battle. dont panic and have more confidence in yourself. all the best and work hard for the remaining days okay? we shall meet up again after all the craps to relax and catch up with each other. call me when you feel stressed or when you just need someone to hear you grumble and scream. you have ME! =)

am i independent?

what do you do when you meet a problem? share it with your friends and family because they may offer good solutions. or you will just try your best and struggle to solve it yourself? the last option will be to not bother about the existence of the problem.

problems usually arise when we get out of our comfort zones. when we feel uncomfortable in a situation, we just want to get out of it immediately. given no choice but to stay on, problems start to form. you hate what you are doing now, leave anything that is related to it till the last minute and throw your temper when the outcome is not what you expect. you get pissed off and start questioning your decision to stay on. your foul temper will affect the moods' of those around you. others' opinion on you changes. in the worst situation, relationships will be tested.

face with a problem, i will try to solve it myself. even if it is not within my limits, i will continue to try until i am frustrated with myself. i dont like to seek help from others unnecessarily. i want to try solving it myself because sometimes, i feel that i am in the survivor game. i only have myself to depend on for my survival. only myself is responsible for my own future. if i am unable to do something by myself, how can i expect myself to strive on my own in the future?

that sounds like a politically correct answer but i am starting to question myself. is it really what i am thinking or is it because i do not want to show others the weak side of myself. someone told me this before "dont cry before your members." when i was preparing for the annual guides campfire in secondary4. i was in charge of the campfire and i could feel the pressure building up as the day was closer. for the past years in guides, campfire had been a combined affair with the scouts but we decided to split at my year. i had no prior experience and i had to admit, i had very high expectations on myself. so throughout the whole period, i reminded myself constantly that i could not admit defeat because if i did, what was going to happen to the campfire? i had to fulfil my duties as their leader and hang on. refusing to ask for help could be because i do not want to appear weak in front of others.

not recognising the problem is definitely not something i will do. why run away from it? by doing so, it does not help to solve the problem. all i can get is just temporary peace and pleasure. by the time i have decided to face it bravely, the problem may have gotten worse. i hate to drag things. i want to get things done fast and simple.

am i being stubborn when i refuse to seek help from others?

i skipped a lect!!!

i am supposed to be mugging hard for my GEK tutorial now but i just cannot resist the temptation of blogging about TODAY!!!

today was my early day because i had a MLE lect at 8am. my mother woke me up at 715 but i could not walk straight to my kitchen. nsso worries, i was not suffering from any hang overs. i was just SHAGGED!! i have been sleeping at around 2 to 3am since school started and the tired-ness was pulling me back to my bed this morning. i mumbled some stuff to my mother and went back to bed. my next tutorial was at 10am. luckily, my dad barged into my room and shocked the hell out of me when he told me it was already 930am. how was i going to fly to nus fass in 30minutes? in my shortest possible time (around 10 minutes), i started my run to fass.

i actually enjoyed today's tutorial. it is my ONLY arts subject i am taking now. i am not the arts person but i worship history. yaya, i can hear some 'yucks' now. so the bottom line is i love SSA! we were discussing how singapore history can help to build the nation identity. i was thinking what if i was told during the tutorial that everything i had learnt in primary and secondary school was biased and subjective. they were just propaganda with limited truth in them. what if? hmm... i guessed i would be devastrated and break down. it would just imply my hard work from the 10 years were wasted. actually i felt qte offended when someone said that the way the schools taught history was boring because it was all memorising work to them and trchers spot qns to teach. maybe i am one of the fortunates ones because it did not happen to me.

i was in love with my history trcher, D LIM. he did spot questions but he did not just teach us on those topics. he taught us more. spotting questions is just being exam smart. doesnt everyone do that for all subject during exams? so does that mean all subjects are boring? he is a strict teacher who expects active participation from everyone for all classes. there was once, nobody answered his question. i guess it was cos his was our first lesson in the morning so everyone was still sleeping then. he was pissed with us and started reading his novel. hmm.. luckily, the lesson continued when someone saved us by answering his question. his method is different from what many think. he used discussions to trigger our thoughts, to make us think and speak up. from there, i had gained much and it definitely made learning history easier and more interesting.

i want to start mugging for history like the good old days again. learning history just makes me happy. oh yeah! jiefang is starting school today. she must be in her class now. haha.. hope you have fun and remember to start saving money now! i want you to attend my graduation. =)

pissed off!!!!

i want to go for a run immediately!!!!!!!! i need to sweat it all out to cool my mind now. i want to shout!!!!! i am not in the right mind set now. i am pushing every single alphabets with all the strength that i have. i want to vent it all out. i simply dont understand her. what's her problem? why am i always the one who do all the dirty jobs and not appreciated or recognised. all she can see is all my flaws and she always have to choose the perfect moment to rub salt onto my wounds. what the hell! can you just leave me alone when i want to and stop nagging at me. cant you see how busy and frustrated i am already with the bloody hell wireless internet connection. i can always consult my brother or father since males are better than females in IT area. what the hell!!!!! that's sterotyping. i am always the one doing all the computer shit and everytime when the computer screwed up, it is forever my fault. what equality is there to talk about?

why cant girls throw their temper? why cant i vent my anger when i am pissed? why am i being scolded when i am angry? why cant i come home late at night? what is the whole big fat problem!!!!! safety? but at least you can put it in a nicer way and choose a right timing to tell me all these stuff and not NOW. you are just pushing me over my limits. you should know very well that i have a short fuse so why step on my toes when they are already stepped on?

i just hate this whole thing about females being the weaker or inferior gender. i hate it!!!! dont you understand me? i am brought up in a democratic environment so at least can you let me please see what i am taught in school? be fair in your judgement and stop sterotyping me. it just makes me want to prove you wrong more and i can jolly well survive without any guy, alone.

pissed off!

engin bash

today was my second time entering a club. my first time was after my prom night and i had a bad experience. i am quite sensitive to smoke. i want to live a long life and not die from passive smoking. there was once i was planning to go balcony with my friends. but i could smell the smoke from afar and we changed our venue to chjimes, where i enjoyed myself a lot and the live band rocks! anyway, back to engin bash. i was happy to see the good turn out from my og. ever since week 0 is over, we have kinda gone our different parts but we still meet up for lunch here and there. so it was a good opportunity to catch up with each other, having fun, drinking and dancing a little. i am not really the dancing girl. that is one of the reasons why i dont go clubbing. i dont mind pubbing and if the pub has a live band, it will be a bonus. so my dear friends out there, call me along if you guys are interested for a drink or two. i swear i will TRY to make time for you. =)

well, before meeting my dear og, i went to expo with goi, giles and gladys. argh!!! they are belonged to the G family. anyway, it was a fun experience to go commex with them, especially the part when we kept disturbing giles. hey! i will continue my part 2 on monday. haha... dont run away from me okay? so, i have finally got my wireless modem from goi and bought the external hard disk. but, the stupid me forgot to take the modem from giles' car's boot just now. so i have no choice but to meet goi tmr. hopefully, it will work on my laptop tmr. please dont crash on me. if not, i have to make another trip down to expo just to get a dumb wireless modem. but, i am interested to walk the other halls. haha.. i shall see i have the time or not. weekends are meant to catch up with tutorials. why am i only thinking of play and not work here?

before i left goi under the care of giles, she remembered me again and again not to drink too much, especially after i told her my stomach hurts like shit again when i walked to school this morning. what the helll!! closed friends of mine should know i am kinda a alcoholic. i am crazy over alcohol drinks. i want to taste every different drinks they have in a pub. but i am not a fan of cocktails or vonka because i am afraid the bartender will not mix the alchol with the whatever is inside the drink well. i had bad experience before so i should take caution. i rather take beer and wine than the others. i am so interested in wines and beer that i want to learn more about them. like how to appreciate them, how to store them to make them taste nicer and stuff. can someone just teach me? i will be a good student. =) i did not get drunk! i just drank a glass of beer, and a group of us finished 6 jugs of vonka. that's not a lot right? at least i can hold my alcohol pretty well as compared to oops-i-shall-not-mention.

time check is 430AM now and i have tuition at around 8am. meeting pee and then mh and da bai. after that, i shall get prepare to be scolded by my guitar trcher. i have not touched my dear guitar for almost 2 weeks. not sure if my fingers are as flexible as before. busy day tmr again. so wish me luck!

it is never going to be the same again

rainy day spells a perfect condition to laze around at home and sleep. true enough, i fell asleep on my table after attempting one 'living with math' tutorial question. amazing, i could sleep in that position for 3 hours and not suffered from stiff neck. i only remembered opening my eyes when my mother came in to wake me up for dinner, so the rest of the time was spent on quality sleeping. i know i have no rights to talk about being tired. but i should record this day because i had not taken a nap since i graduated from junior college more than half a year ago.

things are no longer the way they used to be. i went shopping with pee yesterday and seriously, i felt happy despite being 110 bucks poorer. firstly, i had not shopped for a long time since i came back from my shopping trip in taiwan. secondly, i had not met up with pee for quite sometime. thirdly, forbidden city kns gathering makes me excited. i splunged and forgot that i am on my way to save my first 2000 bucks. i bought this new pair of shoes which both pee and i fell in love with. i simply couldnt resist its temptation especially when i am a shoes freak! at least i was in the right mind and did not buy a pair of nine west shoes. haha.. pee, lousy attempt to tempt me. and yes, i am going to catch the forbidden city. i am so happy!!! kns, let's hurry hurry book our tickets okay? we shall act the play for jiefang and eve. =)

i miss those days when i can meet up with some friends or spend some quality loner time at a cafe, sipping a cup of aromatic coffe and reading the best novel in town or simply, people watching. relax lifestyle as if society has slowed down just for me to take a break. i have been reading cinderella man before my school starts and i have not completed it yet. i dont have the time to continue my reading since tutorial starts. the feeling just sucks when i cant control the way i want to live in. my life seems to be controlled by some demon in the school who wants to push me down my garveyard almost immediately. my life is evoling around this demon now. DAMN!

take control again! listen to all the mayday CDs i have now. their songs are inspiring and motivative. oh ya! one of my dear friends is going through her mugging period now. go, liting, go!!! i have complete faith in you that you can make it. you MUST believe in yourself okay? be confident and you will have won half the race. =) let's work hard together!

having fun with technology

the naive me thought the stomach pain was gone because i could survive pretty well without medication on sunday. on monday morning, on my way to school, the pain struck me most unexpectedly. i did not bring my medicine along and i was already out of my house. the usual stubborn me thought that pain would subside. BUT, it got worse and it was so unbearable that i have to skip my eg tutorial just to revisit the same doctor.

"i cant detect any physical or serious problem. it should be intestinal problem and stomach wind."

how helpful right? anyway, i went home as fast as i could because we (goi and i) had to make a trip down to SGH to visit our dear fat and uncle-ish HQ. what was he down with? same as me!!!! some stomach virus infection too!!!! his was like the more serious case of mine.

the main point is the ever clever me bought my laptop with ONLY the ac adapter there because my battery is currently dead. and for some reason, we could only detect wireless network at this cafe at the ground floor. but we could not use the available power plug to use my laptop because the unfriendly staff refused to. what the hell!!! so we went to this so-called internet room and we still could not use the wireless network. we even went along the corridor to try to tap on the network but it did not work except that both goi and i looked like idiots then. to make things worse, this rigid lady who was working there told us a whole list of "CANNOT DOs". i got so pissed off with her that i just packed my stuff and leave. didnt she know that never mess with anyone when one is trying to get things work?

our next stop was this lobby area, hoping that the network could work because we were relatively nearer to the cafe than the room. it still could not work. so we were left with the last option which was the shop opposite the cafe. luckily, the shop owner was the second kind soul i met in the hospital. she allowed me to use the ac power after much pleading. yes! i am a persistent person. we still could not connect. what the hell!! then, suddenly goi had a brilliant idea.

"try opening internet explorer"

the singnet page appeared and we finally realised after much shifting that we needed to sign in. what a waste of time and effort. argH! anyway, we had lots of fun after we got the connection and 2 people owed goi and i a big favour. =) i will be expecting something more than plain water. we maybe the most deperate ac power lookers in the hospital today but it is definitely worth it to go an extra mile for friends i care for. HQ, please get well soon because goi and i have a surprise for you and we are sure you will like it because it is so you.

i will bring my medicine to school tomorrow. remind me to eat them!!!

rainbow after the rain

it had been an emotional roller coaster for me during the past few days. mind over heart? i guessed my mind is not as strong as what i thought it is. i was so vulnerable that i actually broke down and felt helpless. the feeling of being stretched to my limits but i could only run around in this tiny space i had was HORRIBLE!

i am, in fact, pleased with myself at the end of this week. i supposed i have grown or at least learnt something out of the mess. that's what challenges are for. i know where my limits are now and come on, give me another dare and i will stretch further than where i was previosusly.

however, i had to pay a heavy price for all these rushings. i felt this sharp and pro-longed pain on wed during my blading class. it could be because i was overly-hungry? i ate my lunch at 11plus, had tuition immediately after school and only had half an hour to get my butts to the sports stadium. how was i supposed to eat my dinner?

when i reached home, i practically collapsed onto the floor and groaned in pain. it was so painful that i could not eat my dinner. in the end, i took a quick bath and went to sleep with the pain. argh!!! how was i going to have a good night's rest with an EMPTY stomach?

i was so afraid that night. i thought i was going to die, especially after hearing what happened to goi's cousin. i have not done many MUST-DO things yet. i have not backpacked around europe. i want to drive. dont take my life away just like that!

today, the pain came back again!!!! it just spolit my lunch date.

i guess the pain signals it is time to exercise. anybody?

so helpless!

realising your dream is a tough journey. but, giving everything up when you are enjoying what you are doing now and knowing that you take great pain to come so far, is even harder.

this dilemna is driving me and her crazy. i feel helpless because for once, i cannot find my direction. i dont know how, where and what should i do? all i can do is to listen and give her some advice. i am not sure if my advice is of any help to her. maybe i have confused her even more because i myself dont know what to do as well.

my dominant personality is leaving me bit by bit now. somehow, i cant think as logically as before. i cant seem to make rational decision in this situation. to be frank, my stand tends towards hers. i know i will receive violent objection from some but there is this sth at the back of mind telling me that she will be okay when everything is over. is it the faith i have in her that makes me to believe that she will take extra extra extra care of herself?

actually, i believe she knows what is best for her. our opinions are just for reference to show her a bigger picture just in case she misses out some points. dont be frustrated or confused. hey!!! spend a few hours one day to think about your next step. close your eyes, relax and picture yourself in the next few months. what will you be doing? i guess that could be your answer.

where is my IC?

i felt so cheated for the past few days all because of my pink ic. argH!!!!

i took an hour bus ride to woodlands last Sat to apply for the wireless broadband service for this blackish sliver precious. no worries, i did not go down just for that because i had my guitar lessons there too. so, i happily thought i could kill 2 birds with one stone but i was WRONG!!!!

"sorry miss, we need to have your ic to check if your living address is the same as your mother,".
"but i have my ezlink card. you can check for my particulars with that bar code,".
"sorry, we cant. you have to come back on another day,".

ARGH!!!!! so much for the trouble.

and today, i went to the post office to get a pre paid card and that officer asked me the same question. once again, the ever brilliant karen never brings her ic along unless it is an urgent or important matter. so i wasted a trip again.

this is so frustrating!!!! when i was much younger, i was able to do much with the ezlink card but now, i cannot live without my ic. those were the days.....

our first try

after so many weeks, i finally called jiefang. i rushed all the way home after my lecture today for her. (dont you feel honoured, my dear friend?) i regretted not having a proper conversation with her before she left Singapore. it is okay because i have the lovely technology to help me. email, skype and MSN. gogogogo!!! keep the friendship going. i want to enter the 20th year of our friendship and more and more.

the call brought me back to the harsh reality. no more honeymood periods. i know it is too early to call this the "make it or die" period but the foundation is very important. it is like building blocks. i need to have a stable base with solid bricks and thick cement in order to go high. i need to find my momentum back. i must get back to the studying mood. i want to be high up in the sky where i am unreachable.

i am trying hard to adapt to the new environment. finding my way in the huge campus, getting used to the you-can-choose mind set and definitely knowing more people. this is a brand new chapter and i want to start everything in a good note. shine some light on me and give me a pair of wings. let these 4 years not to be as painful as the past 2 years and i will be good, i promised.

go go go!!! she is trying hard in canada and i shall try as hard as her here in Singapore. i cant abandon my friend when she is in misery. friends go through thick and thin together. =) let's work hard and visit each other soon. i will start saving money because i want to be there on that important day.

orientation wk 0

0 week is good!

that was the only orientation camp i went before my uni school life officially started. this orientation camp was oragnised by engineering (for short engin). so bascially, my og mates are from all the courses in the engin facility. fortunately, some of them are in the same course as me and i had met my first tutorial mate. haha... what a lucky piece of shit i am.

anyway, my orientation activities were nothing as compared to those that jiefang is having now at UBC. my programmes were the usual ones, like beach games at sentosa, campfire night, SP night and amazing food race. these were normal, but i enjoyed myself pretty much and i have to thank the wonderful company i had. we played painful bruises causing games (all thanks to DAVID IS THE NICEST GUY IN O WEEK), hitting each other at the sun burnt spots after the sentosa trip, playing lame and senseless games.

my og - amber was a very hungry og. we were always craving for food or was it just me? so our favourite pigging out place is fong seng!!! it is the name of a chinese shop near my school but it wasnt the shop we patronized. it was the prata shop beside it. i dont think the prata shop has a name so we just called it fong seng for our convenience. i guess our love for fong seng grew stronger day by day. we only responded when the ogl called us fong seng. amber seemed like a foregin and long lost friend. go fong seng go fong seng!!!!!!!!

uni life has started and i dont feel anything about it yet. i have not felt the full impact yet because the first week is all lectures. tutorials are only starting at the end of the month. most importantly, no lab work for this sem so it is double hurray!! so just enjoy the breeze for now.

guides' gathering!!!!!!!!!!!

part1

it had been a long time since the 5 of us met out. shan went to england for her studies and the rest of us were busy mugging for our studies here in spore. =( anyway, july is the birthday month and we went to cafe cartel for dinner. it was not our orginal eating venue. it was some galilee cafe. i am not very sure of its spelling but we felt that the food they served wasnt exactly fit for 5 ultra hungry people. so we made a change!

we stood outside cafe cartel at cine for a long time because we were waiting for the late comers. most importantly, we were eyeing the occupied cushion seats. they looked so comfortable, just nice for my tired legs after shopping with goi before i met my guides fellows.

part2

national day 2006 has a special meaning for me this time round. my dearest longest and closest friend, ONG JIEFANG, had left for canada this morning. i am not sad but happy for her because she is fulfilling her dreams now. how many of us are given the chance to fulfil our dreams right? so, go go go!!!! dont give up easily okay, girl?

the morning was in a rush because i woke up late as usual. i regretted for not going down to the airport earlier today. i did not have the chance to have a proper chat with her before she left. yes, yes, yes. karen is living her life in regrets now. =( so please jiefang, must email me okay??? let's try out our web-cameraing skills one day.

my mother was telling me that we, the RV girls, were the noisest batch at the airport. haha.. what to do. it always happened when you put the horny eve, bobo lydia, happy pee, blur peiwen, xiaowanzi-ish karen, stoning liting, eye-swollen woon, my dearest ally minghui and the fattest jiefang together.

hey FAT!!!!!!!! i told myself i wont cry to send you off but i still did lah. everything was going fine until i heard someone from KNS said ta zhen de yao zhou le. suddenly, i felt the impact. hope everything is fine for you and i will start saving for your grad and be back home during your summer break!!!!!!! see you in a year's time.

photos link: http://www.flickr.com/photos/72419396@N00/sets/72157594230602401/

many many many many

i have soooooo many things to do at hand now but i am so shagged that i can sleep a minimum of 24 hous. i have to blog about the guides' gathering a few weeks ago, my not-yet-done orienatation, national day and jiefang's departure. =( and photos and more photos before pee and my guides' frens start killing me. my entire room is in a mess once again. 4 diff types of bags are lying on my sister's bed. some orientation stuff are still everywhere. the matri fair bag is blocking my way. i am not done exploring my labtop yet. and i have some computer stuff to handle too. DAMN!!!! now, i truly understand pee's frustration when she had to go for her hal overnight camp. i should start counting my blessings since my camp is not an overnight affair. 1,2,3,4,5....

cookies Cookies COOKIES

the "dying to learn baking" jiefang came to my house a few hours ago to learn the skills from my mother, the fab baker. obviously, the first cookie she learnt was choco chips cookies since choco is our favourite!

anyway, the highlight was we (jiefang, my mother and i) are going to run a business soon!!!! what business? look at my title!!! since my mother is a fab baker, we decided to start a small business on cookies. seriously, i have not heard any negative comments about my mother's cookies from anyone who has eaten them before. i bought some cny goodies to my office this year and my colleagues simply loved them! they actually finished one box of choco chips cookies within a week and they wanted my mother's receipe. all her friends and my friends who have tried them before said the same thing too. even i myself cannot resist the temptation of my mother's cookies. jiefang and i thought of the name on her way home which is After hours. if you are interested to know why, don't wait, read her blog!

first, we shall start with our circle of friends. test the market. next, we dont really have much choices of cookies now due to the limited time we have. we just decided this whole thing an hour ago and here i am, blogging about it now. i just cant contain my excitement!!!! currently, we have only decided on chocolate chips cookies and oatmeal cookies. quantity should be around 30 to 40 in a container. you know those chinese new year transparent with a red cover container? goi asked if there is any smaller quantity. hmm... i have to discuss my fellow shareholders first. price list is not confirmed yet. sampling should not be much of a problem if i have the cookies at home and i am meeting you. so if you are interested or have any questions, just drop me a line or tag my blog! this is something you should not missed and worth trying for.

hopefully, everything will turn out fine with baker goh, baker choo and baker fat around.

BLADING despite many naggings

i overslept this morning again, as usual. luckily jiefang was unable to join us today because i woke up at the time when we were supposed to meet at our market bus stop. if not, she would have to wait for me. oops..

so, pee, peiwen and i went to bishan park to blade again despite my mum's objection. her reaction was hilarious when i told her last night. she just kept nagging and hurping on my not-fully-recovered elbow. what the crap. as long as i dont come back with a broken elbow, everything else is under control.

obviously, i fell. now i know the reason behind my injured elbow. i tend to fall on my left first. my left butt was freaking painful just now. i did not know what was wrong with the floor?! bloody hell material! i think i had triggered some pain to my on-the-path-of-recovery elbow. it is not much, just slightly like less than 1 percent.

btw, i had learnt sth new about pee today. she needed at least an hour to cut her hair and she is a STALKER!

queensway

i got my new specs! i got my new specs! but i waited a hell long time (around 2 hours) for it to be nice and safe in the shop. the delivery man was late! it was a horrible wait. i could not think of anywhere except my dear ikea to kill time.

i LOVE ikea!!!! it always make those creative bugs living inside me jump. looking at how nicely those showrooms were decorated, i want to revamp my room too!!! since my sis was married around one and a half year ago, there is this extra bed taking up space in the tiny room i have. i want to remove it. i want to redecorate my room!! if this dream is going to come true, i will have to remove all the furniture inside because my parents bought this bedroom set for us when we moved to the house. i dont want the room to look awful with a missing piece. i want a brand new room!!!

why am i acting like some stupid rich spolit kid? just a gentle reminder for myself! i am not working anymore and i only have my tuition to support me financially. what more do i want? be contented with what i have and maybe someday, my patience and tolerance will be rewarded.

just some random photos i used to take.



what did we see?



what we always do

twisted elbow

i told you so

i am ultra bored at home today not because i do not have stuff to do. in act i have a lot of things to do but i cannot do them now. all thanks to my twisted elbow. i cant bend it at all with the huge and smelly bandage around my elbow. argH!

i was having my usual wednesday in-line skating classes right outside the sports stadium. yesterday was my second experience with roller blading. so you can imagine how 'new' i am to it. the instructor even had the cheeks to say "this ground is not good for beginners. so just bear with it". bad omen!!!!

i fell 4 times on my butt and the clever me used the same left hand to break my falls. the first time was ok. i could feel the pain after the third fall but the last fall was the ultimate. =( i thought after rubbing some chinese medicated oil, it should be okay by now but it felt worse when i woke up at 12 noon today. so i had no choice but to visit a chinese doc.

when i was in the room, the chinese doc spent quite sometime inside this inner room. i thought he was getting ready his needles to perform accuputure on me. ARGH!!!!!!!!! i dont want. i can stand tolerate the twisting and bending but strictly no needles. luckily, he just went to get some medicine for me. phew!

so i just have to be careful and more blading on sunday and wednesday!

blockbuster hit!

i caught this blockbuster movie on its opening day!!! action, adventure and definitely hilarious! it's ultra nice and i cant wait for the part 3, at world's end to be screened. i think it will only be opened somewhere in may 2007. i was very frustrated when the dead man's chest just ended like that. argH!!! i want more of it! another plus point is it is a two and an hlaf hour long show but it seriously does not seem that long to me. so please please please go and catch it and keep a look out for THEM.

taiwan!!!

BEWARE!!!!!! long entry ahead.
if you just want photographs, visit http://www.flickr.com/photos/72419396@N00/sets/72157594191864184/

i was back from my first overseas trip without any guidance and directions from adults a few weeks ago. TAIWAN!!!!!!!!!! it is a shopping paradise. i spent every single cent i brought over on clothes, meals and snacks. i even had to borrow cash from goi. imagine how poor i was for the last few days.

day 1:

i was the last to reach the airport and i made some new friends. RUTH, ruth's friend and ruth's friend's friend. what a complicated relationship! i was too dependent on the adults, aka my parents or the teacher-in-charge when i go on school overseas trips, to settle all the administration stuff at the airport. it was nevertheless a great feeling to take control and be responsible for my own stuff. we arrived at CKS international airport in the evening. the first star we saw was our local superstar, chen weilian at the customs. i thought he was there to promote his new album but i guessed i was wrong. he seemed like he was more on a holiday trip than a business trip. the temperature there was HIGH, much higher than that of Singapore's. when i was about to step out of the fully air-conditioned terminal, condensation took place immediately on my spectacles. we took the freego bus to our hotel, the royal castle.

the room was very small!!! we had to climb over one another's luggage to get from one end of the room to the other. most importantly, we could not have all our luggages open at the same time before we moved the furniture around to have the maximum optimum space we could have. it had the proper necessary facilities like the toilet and 3 proper beds despite it being a 3 stars hotel. we could not stand the hunger and dashed to the nearby pasta food outlet. it was quite a difficult task for me to order my first meal there because everything was in chinese. to make things worse, it was the traditional chinese characters. Given my sub standard chinese, my brain took even a longer time to comprehend what i saw. after having our fill, we did not know what to do with it. they had this fast food plastic tray and ceramic utensils. how were we supposed to dispose them? we even waited to observe how the taiwanese cleared their trays. pretty dumb right?

First shopping haunt was ximenting - a happening place, filled with life. it was completely different from the streets along orchard road. everywhere was crowded with people and look at the amazing number of stalls we could find in just ximenting. furthermore, each shop is unqiue in its own way. i found some shops that sold similiar items unlike those here which are duplicate of each other. one day is definitely not enough to cover the whole of ximenting.

we saw how fantastic their party world and cash box were on television. we could not resist the temptation. when we went into the building, we could not believe our eyes. i thought it was one of the posh hotels' lobby but it was actually the party world's reception. they had many levels of karaoke rooms, like 7 storeys. when the lift opened, the waiter attending to the customers at that level received us from there. GREAT SERVICE!!!! he brought us to our room. to add on to our surprises, there was a toilet inside each room!!!! i was so happy. seriously, i think their service was much better than any of those i had in spore before. we sang till 3am, the next morning and the route back to the hotel was creepy. =(

day 2:

one thing good about free and easy travelling is that you can decide on your own iternary. we woke up around 9 plus in the morning. we took their metro aka singapore's MRT to our first stop - SUN YAT SEN memorial hall. however the place was a disappointment. It was supposed to be a tourist attraction but it was deafening quiet inside. As quoted from goi, “ people used it to walk to the other side of the road”. Furthermore, the architecture was not very impressive when he was an inspiring chinese leader. It was quite meaningless for us to visit these historical sites without a tour guide because we did not know much about the history about the person involved and place. As tourists, we just snapped some photos here and there before heading to taipei 101 and NYNY shopping centre.

Taipei 101 is the highest building in the world. We would be able to see almost or the whole of taiwan when we were at the observatory level. Strangely, we did not go up. There was mister donut at NYNY shopping centre. By looking at the colourful and yummy donuts, they just brightened up my day. =) however, somewhere else made me even happier. it was wufenpu, which is the garment wholesale centre. Clothes, pants, shorts, skirts, bags, shoes, hats, caps and belts. It was also the place where i spent bulk money there. The garments were not exactly very cheap, but they were definitely cheaper than those in singapore. Besides, their customer service was superb. They would try their best to help us and they did not show us any attitude when we asked for help or we were simply browsing in their shops. What shock me most was when they refused to let us try on the clothes. Reason was they did not want us to dirty their clothes. Imagine the amount of sweat and dirt accumulated on our body after walking through crowds after crowds.

we visited our first night market – raohe night market. We did not shop much there or try a lot of the local delights because our hands were full. All 3 of us, goi, rj and i did a lot of shopping at wufenpu. We walked so much there until we had to drag ourselves to raohe. We took a ate dinner and had red bean milk ice. It was not as good as what was described in the newspaper. The ice shavings were rougher than those in singapore. I guessed we fail to taste the orginial ice monster at taipei.=(

since day 2, we started our daily night on-our-way-back-to-the-hotel routine. We would visit the nearby convenience shops, 7-11, family mart or OK la, to replenish our vitamins by having juices and preparing our breakfast.

day 3:

it was a sightseeing day. We agreed to wake up earlier but it did not happen. We must be too shagged after all the walking we had on the day before and i think goi and i stayed up to watch a world cup match. Was it the portugal vs netherlands? It was close to noon when we left for YMS national park. Stupidly, we hiked our way from the bus terminal to the visitor's centre. It did not seem to be that far on the map but it took us around 30 to 45 minutes to get there. The weather was burning hot and it definitely slowed us down by a little. When we arrived at the visitor's centre, we had came to our senses that it was impossible for us to hike the whole of YMS within a day. So, we planned our route and decided to go to the nearby juan si waterfall. It was only then when we asked for directions, we knew there were bus services within the park itself. So it just meant we had wasted our time and energy to hike to the visitor's centre. Irritating!

When we alighted at the le shui keng stop, we asked for directions again to hike to the waterfall. See, lesson learnt while traveling like this is to always ask for directions. Orientate ourselves first so we would not be lost. The directions given were “ walk across that bridge and follow the landmarks along the way”. Ok, that did not sound too tough. We walked and climbed but the road was tougher. It became narrower and more rocky. I nearly sprained my ankle when i missed my step. If i did, i did not know what would happen to us. We were very deep in the forest and we did not see any medical sites along our way. How are we going to get help? Luckily, none of the above happened. All we could hear were the calls from insects, waiting impatiently to make their first move on us. I could not hear any water sound, so we were nowhere near to the waterfall. When we finally found our dear waterfall, we were relieved and proud of our achievement. However the waterfall was far from the word “majestic”. Three 19-years-old girls ventured into the unknown grounds without any self defense but a donut and a packet of drink for brunch.

Our night activity was tamshui. We were supposed to catch the beautiful sunset but we missed it. We spent too much time hiking at YMS but it was an experience. The lover's bridge and walking along the old streets of tamshui to find the famous tie dan. It was when we had our first unfriendly encounter. Poor customer service because they treated us like dirt. FRUSTRATING! Besides their local tie dan, we bought boxes and packets of mochi. They were freshly made and yummy, esp the black sesame and peanut mochi.

Quickly, we made our way to shilin night market, the largest in taipei. It was true to its name. First, we went to the food area, where we usually see on television to buy the famous ji pai. It was delicious except for the chili powder. It was so spicy that rj and goi could not stand it. They were the people who can take spicy food. So poor karen then! We did not manage to cover much of the night market in 2 to 3 hours because we had to rush for the last metro train. So we agreed to return to shilin night market the next day.

day 4:

we went to CHIANG KAI SHEK memorial hall. It was totally different from that of SYS memorial hall. It looked like a typical chinese palace. There were 3 buildings within the compounds. Out of the 3, i only knew one was the national threate, unsure about the other 2 names. as tourists, we took many photographs again. I wanted to stay a little longer there but the heat was simply unbearable. Our second proper meal in taipei here we come!!

it did not take a very long time for us to get our seats at the main branch dintaifeng. Are you envy of me? Their streaming hot xiaolongbao is a MUST-HAVE on the table. The skin was just nice and the soup. !!!!! it was heaven for me. Once again, they had great service again. Rj said they bowed 90 degree to greet us when we entered. Uncountable welcomes were heard.

After filling our stomaches, it was time for more shopping!!! we went to yuanling street where we could find a entire street of shops selling nothing but shoes! It was not a fruitful trip because the shoes were generally more for the working class.=( after that, we went to guanhua night market, which was just opposite one of the taipei's universities. I thought i would be able to buy something there since the place was for the students but sadly, i just tried the smelly toufu and some chinese dumplings. The smelly toufu wasnt smelly at all. I am certain my nose was perfectly normal then. I will give it another shot when i travel again. Our next stop was the uncompleted shopping trip at shilin night market.

on our way back to the hotel, we saw our shooting going on just outside ximenting. so we rushed back to our hotel to put our shopping bags down and went out again to see the fliming. not sure who the stars were but they are taiwanese.

day 5:

it was our last day at taipei. We did some last minute shopping at ximenting. We bought some local delights, more mochi and plentiful of jimi collectibles. Soon, we were on our way back to singapore.

Our days seemed very packed and rush but i truly enjoy myself there. Great shopping place for me. I will be back sometime in the nest few years for another shopping spree. Great company, goi and rj. Most importantly, this trip made me realise how horrible i am in singapore. Taiwanese are very friendly and helpful when we asked for directions from any passers-by. They are very orderly people too because they actually queue behind one another automatically when boarding the metro. Something that i think we should be ashame of is they allow all the passengers to alight before boarding. Come on, learn from them. They are able to achieve it without all the constant announcements over the public address system.

Yes! I love travelling and i want to travel all my life.

To view photographs, visit http://www.flickr.com/photos/72419396@N00/sets/72157594191864184/

why

aiyah! i know all the fun and benefits that come with it but i am just not interested, no mood and dont feel like. i dont understand why i am so negative towards it. maybe i am sick of tired of knowing more people. and seriously, i dont think that friends made at that time will last long unless i have the chance to work and meet the person again almost everyday. nothing lasts in the world!

i can be too used to my comfort zone and refused to move my butt out of it. recall the "who moved my cheese story", karen!!!! we should be sensitive to our environment and adapt to changes. we control the change and not the other way round. why am i not applying what i have learnt? this is frustrating!

i am just a lazy bag of bones.

it's hard

it's hard to control my anger when you insist to provoke me. i know i should not be angry with you but i just angry! i cant stand people who refuse to admit their mistake and to make things worse, change the whole situation to make it looks like i am the offender. why must you always rush? cant you just slow down and find the purpose in your tasks.

but my anger has subsided.

cycling at bishan

went cycling with pee and jf at bishan park today. considering that i had not touched a bicycle for 2 years since i last learnt in sec4, it was a great achievement.

i was a late learner because i have a phobia for cycling. (note the tense) when i was young, i cycled in with this little red 4-wheeled bike at home. the more i cycled, the happier i was and the faster i paddled. when i was supposed to make a turn, i lost control of that bike, flew out of it and hurt my forehead. it was bloody painful, literally. end up, i had a scar on my forehead. it is not very obvious because i got it when i was young. so i guess the mark will fade as i grow older.

anyway, i got very irritated with myself half way through the route. i just could not control the direction in which the bike would go to when there were many turns and bends. my arms would straighten and i could feel the tension in my muscles but i could not relax. so i was left with the last option which was to jump off the bike. it was very frustrating when i just could not get things done in the way i want it to be. i dont understand why. i just need more practices to perfect my skills or am i still living in my nightmare?

when it was about time for us to go, i challenged myself to go through the route again and not to stop at all. i took it slow and steady. stay focus. i tried my best not to speed (pee's advice) and it did work. at least i only stopped twice. that's not bad for my standard.

so much for a cycling experience.

what's next? inline skating. =)

i need to rest!

i am ultra tired today. i did not feel like doing anything today but i had a packed schedule. considering that i slept close to 1am the night before, i should wake up close to noon to have at least 8 hours sleep. however, i had to drag myself out of my cosy bed to climb THE bloody hill to get my A levels cert. it was the last day for me to collect it so i was left with no choice. DAMN!

after that, i accompanied my mother to a traditional chinese medicine hall to get some herbs and tonics. everything was perfectly fine until the saleperson bothered me. didnt she know never to bother the customer who had the capability to doze off anywhere then. well, she obviously was not taught that IMPORTANT skill and she started promoting this bottle of so-called healthy pills to me, in front of my mother. maybe she meant well but i did not seem to appreciate her kindness. partly because of my already foul mood and i had this feeling that "i am not trying to ask you to buy" method was insincere. come on, tell the consumers the truth! i understand why you had to do this because it was part of your duties. it was such a small matter but i dont care. just give me the space to grumble.

tuition was up next. luckily, he did not give me much headaches except that he did not finish his work. that's nothing new. "i will ask for my friends for help". yaya... do i look naive to you? i was a primary school kid before.

i rushed all the way to orchard to meet up with goi and rj to plan our iternary for our taiwan trip. i will be flying off on this sunday. that's fast! as usual, i have not prepared anything yet. at least we had drafted out the places we will be going and i cant wait. hope it will be a fruitful trip. by the way, AH MENG DOES NOT DIE, and AH MENG IS A GORILLA.